Walk Away
by Star of Arabia
Summary: Song fic to Walk Away by Christina Aguilera. Taken from one of Bella's many days of silence in January. Set in New Moon. Bella realizes what is keeping her from wasting away, and what she needs to hold on to.


Hey guys I'm back, and with a new Pen Name too

Hey guys I'm back, and with a new Pen Name too! I was previously Blackfireprincess but I am now Star of Arabia! Just wanted to clarify that. Any way on with the fic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own either Twilight or Walk Away. They are by Stephanie Meyer and Christina Aguilera, other writers and producers respectively. No matter how much I wish they were mine…

This fic is set after Edward and the other Cullen's leave, around about the part in New Moon, when there are those blank pages with 'January', 'February' ect.

Lyrics are in italics

**Walk Away**

_What do you do when you know something's bad for you  
And you still can't let go? _

I was lost, wandering around like some kind of wraith. I didn't sleep anymore. Or when I did, my dreams were not the fantasy world they used to be. Instead, they show me everything I wish I just could leave behind. But I can't. And I wake up screaming.

_I was naïve  
Your love was like candy  
Artificially sweet  
I was deceived by the wrapping_

I knew it was impossible. How could one such Greek God fall for a average mortal like myself? I fell hard for him, and he never felt the same. I couldn't accept it, but I was faced with the blinding, desolate truth.

He was gone.

And he wasn't coming back.

I screamed again.

Sweat covered my face, and trickled slowly down my spine. I shivered. Not again.

I threw back the covers and leapt out of bed. I crossed to the wardrobe and grabbed today's clothes. I didn't bother looking as I didn't care what it was, as long as it wasn't blue, and I made my way to the bathroom.

_Got caught in your web  
And I learned how to plead  
I was prey in your bed  
And devoured completely_

The sun was already rising and fell gracefully on the settling mist, a reminder of yesterday's heavy rain. I showered quickly, the warm water doing nothing to warm me chilling body.

_And it hurts my soul  
Cos I can't let go  
All these walls are caving in  
I can't stop my suffering  
I hate to show that I've lost control  
Cos I, I keep going right back _

I stepped out of the shower and dressed, walking downstairs and out the door, not even acknowledging the man seated at the kitchen counter. Outside the cold January air caressed my face and pushed my hair back.

_  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from _

I closed my eyes, and pretended it was him. His icy marble skin, his bronze hair, his amber eyes so intense and…

I gasped. My heart was pounding so hair I felt it would burst through my chest. I had let myself remember his name. And when I did, my lungs froze. I couldn't breathe. My chest was empty now, so why did I feel this way? He wasn't here, but the name still had its hold on me. _  
_

What seemed like hours passed, and finally the searing pain that started from where my heart used to be, subsided. But the choke-hold did not.

_  
I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, walk away  
_

Edward. Edward Cullen

School was the usual. The usual painful, to-been-endured experience, were I would rather be curled up in an unfeeling ball on my bed.

_  
I should have known  
I was used for amusement  
Couldn't see through the smog  
It was all an illusion _

I sat at the table staring at food I wouldn't eat. While the lives of the others unfolded unperturbed by their leaving. They couldn't see it; see what lay underneath this whole room. Behind the pleasant smiles and fickle amusement. _  
_

_  
Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)  
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)  
We both can't subdue  
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner) _

The pain behind their best friends eyes, the searing torture that taking your next breathe caused, reflected in the eyes of people. That dreaded pulse of futility, that things could never get better.

_  
I'm about to break  
I can't stop this ache  
I'm addicted to your lure  
and I'm feeling for a cure _

The sense of desperation and sorrow. That dreaded pulse of futility. The emptiness, from where no one loved you.

_  
Every step I take  
Leads to one mistake  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need... _

The hopeless dream that you could actually be good enough for anyone. But every single time you tried, you failed. You fell from that glorious dream cloud.

Every single time._  
_

_  
I can make it  
It's some state I'm in  
Getting nothing every time  
What did I do to deserve _

I was no different. I had always felt this way. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't feel one of those things. Just never all at once. Just never this crushing feeling. Where it felt like I was drowning.

_  
The pain of this moment  
And everywhere I turn  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from _

In black, bone-chilling waters._  
_

_  
I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, walk away _

Fading away. It seemed so simple. And yet, something held me back. I couldn't place it. I had banished any thoughts of him returning, almost as soon as he had made his known to me.

_  
Every time I try to grasp for air  
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over  
Seems I never wake from this nightmare  
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over  
_

What possibly could be holding me here, anchoring me to this barren ground.

_  
Inside I'm screaming  
Breaking, pleading the world  
Ahh...  
_

I wanted to scream. But my voice was tired from screaming.

_  
My heart has been bruised  
So sad but it's true  
Each peep reminds me of you  
_

I wanted him back, but he was like a drug. MY brand of heroin.

_  
It hurts my soul  
Cos I can't let go  
All these walls are caving in  
I can't stop my suffering  
I hate to show that I've lost control  
Cos I, I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need... _

I still wanted him. But how could I? After what he did to me. My heart stopped that day. And yet I still loved him.

__

I'm about to break  
I guess I missed it  
I'm addicted to your lure  
And I'm feeling for a cure  
Every step I take  
Leads to one mistake  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need... 

Was my unrequited love for him that strong, that it could penetrate this haze of pain? Only his love had that kind of power over me.

__

I can make it  
It's some state I'm in  
Getting nothing every time  
What did I do to deserve  
The pain of this moment  
And everywhere I turn  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from 

Was I hallucinating? Was this really real? Could it be, that maybe his love was what was holding me here?_  
_

_  
I say...  
I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, walk away _

But how could it. It wasn't strong enough to hold him here. But maybe this was a test. Or maybe it was for the better. Better for who, I could never answer. But maybe he did it for me.

__

Only thing I need to do is walk away 

I still couldn't shake this feeling. That where-ever he was, he did care.

Maybe he couldn't let go, and just like me. Maybe what we shared was so strong, even his razor-edged words couldn't sever it. _  
_  
_  
I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, walk away _

I stared at the blood-red apple on my lunch tray. My silence was not missed. Was it possible he still did care for me, as I cared for him? That his heart called out to me, just as mine clearly did for him.

__

I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, walk away 

Was it possible he might love me? Was is possible that God might give me this one, priceless gift.

_  
I need to get away from it  
I need to walk away from it  
Get away, walk away, _

Was it possible?

_Walk away…_

Press the review button.

It doesn't bite.


End file.
